Everything Lo Mein

Name: Everything Lo Mein
Ingredients: 3 rounded tablespoons hoisin sauce; 3 tablespoons dark soy, eyeball it; 3 tablespoons water, eyeball it; 2 teaspoons hot sauce, eyeball it; 1 pound spaghetti; Salt; 1/4 cup vegetable oil, divided; 2 large eggs, beaten; 3 chicken breast cutlets, thinly sliced into strips; 3 thin cut pork chops, thinly sliced into strips; Black pepper; 2 teaspoons ground coriander; 2 inches fresh ginger, chopped or grated; 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped; 6 scallions, cut into 3-inch lengths then sliced lengthwise; 1/2 pound shiitake mushrooms, chopped; 1 red bell pepper, cut into quarters, seeded, then sliced; 1 small can sliced water chestnuts; 2 cups fresh bean sprouts, 4 generous handfuls or 1/2 pound shredded cabbage, your choice